T-bar romance. Photo: Municipal Archives of Trondheim.
Congratulations, ladies, you found yourself a nice fall boyfriend . He is at least medium good at hiking and wearing flannel . But now it’s winter. Weekends are for pow skiing. And you’re starting to get an inkling that aforementioned dude might not be able to keep up. He said something about getting new “shaped skis,” and, now come to think of it, one of his Tinder pics was a shot of him at Attitash with aggressive gaper gap.
This is endemic to other sports , too, but you should never have to scream “Pizza!” to a grown ass man. So how do you subtly (or maybe no so subtly) drop the hint that if he can’t hang, he can’t hang?
Go in hard
For a warm-up run, skip the casual groomer and consider a stout bootpack. That’ll get you warm. And it looks like the snow is the best in those slightly spicy chutes. You learn best by doing, right?
Oh, you’re tired? It’s cool, we can just meet at the bar at the end of the day. A bunch of my friends will be there. Yeah, they’re all guys. Yeah, a couple of them are sort of sponsored. Andy and I used to hook up, but it’s totally platonic now. Nothing has happened since March, which was sooo long ago. Oh, I guess that was the end of last ski season …
Mention that, to save money, you figured you guys can just crash at your friend’s condo. On the floor. With 12 other people. You brought your sleeping bag, didn’t you?
About that pizza
Offer to give him some pointers. Those pointers should sound something like “Just relax and point it down the fall line.” or “TURNNNNN!!” A lot of “I just don’t understand how you don’t understand this,” should probably help, too.
It’s sunny and the snow pack has set up nicely, so you’re thinking today is the day for a big ski tour. But there’s no way you’re going into the backcountry with him if he doesn’t have a beacon, shovel, and probe. And probably an airbag pack, too. He’s taken an avalanche class? If not, better spring for that, too.
Patience is a virtue
At trail crossings, wait till you can see him coming, and then take off. That way he knows where you’re headed. Sorry about the leg burn.
If all else fails, the singles line is always faster. And if he’s still trying to keep up after all that, maybe there’s something to be said for being slightly less judge-y.
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